I want to be more unaesthetic.

It hurt a bit to say that, but I’m saying it more so it’ll hurt less.

I’ve always loved aesthetic things. Maybe it’s because I grew up in such unaesthetic surroundings; when I saw aesthetic things I was fascinated.

Being on Instagram and TikTok only grew my desire to have an aesthetic life.
But I’ve managed to come to terms with something the last few years. And that is: Life is unaesthetic.
We spill, fart, poo, barf, snort, blow our nose, etc.

We have mis-matched pjs, oily hair, ugly nails, etc.

But it’s the unaesthetic moments – the moments that don’t get photographed that can leave the deepest markings on our hearts.

Now, Pinterest still remains my favorite app and I will continue to love aesthetic things. But as I’m getting older, the need for wanting every area of my life to be aesthetic is fading away. It’s just not a reality and it’s okay for things to look “ugly” It’s not that big of a deal. For example, I’m someone who really likes accessories. I had been wanting a pretty aesthetic hairbrush I’ve been eyeing for some time now, but it is a bit pricey. However, I got over this infatuation by reminding myself that I already have a nice hairbrush that does the job. I’m not in a place right now where I should be splurging because I still have credit card debt. It was hard to squash the desire for a new hairbrush for about a week, but now that I did, I’m actually really proud of myself. Seeing money in my bank and seeing my debt get smaller is worth it….1000% more than having that hairbrush in my hands! But where did this desire for a new hairbrush even come from?
Social media, of course!!

I wasn’t it need of a hairbrush, but after seeing all the aesthetic girls in their aesthetic rooms with their aesthetic tools …. I needed it too! It started with a hairbrush, but all of a sudden my list grew to 50 more items. The thing about everything being aesthetic is if what you have doesn’t fit your aesthetic category, the item gets old and you want to throw it out. Your appreciation for the things you already have die. Being content can then become a challenge. Always wanting and chasing new things.

After realizing this, I looked around my room, and shifted my attitude. I became thankful with the items I already have and realized……I have so much! I was retraining myself to be grateful and content (even if it’s ugly lol).

And as I’ve been offline for almost a month now, I realized life is more unaesthetic than aesthetic. I was just too sucked into the world of TikTok, that what I would see when I was scrolling is what I would take in/believe the world to be.

So, don’t be discouraged by the unaesthetic moments. Learn to embrace them.